i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
