I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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