Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
