she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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