I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
