you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
