woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize