Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It was confusing and full of hummus
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
