we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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