Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
