Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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