You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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