toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
