Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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