whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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