Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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