He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
