He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
