2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
