i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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