piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
