The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
