I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
