She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
