i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was like eating out sand paper
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
