Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
