I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
