I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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