Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
