just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
