My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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