I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
