even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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