When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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