she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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