is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
