I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
