wrigley field is MILF paradise
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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