I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
