pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Randomize
