before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
