Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
