she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Couch. On fire.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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