I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
