I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
