I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it fun? or sober?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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