I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
