the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
