I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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