i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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