we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
