the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
