She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A bitchslap is in order.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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