The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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