I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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