A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
