Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have post one night stand depression
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