My hand turned me down
he thought i was a dude.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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