i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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