He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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