my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
high people should be assigned attendants
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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