did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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