i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
