I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
