Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
