I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
