Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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