We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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