my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
