I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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