OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
