Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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