do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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