ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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