So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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